Columbia River Gorge

I rented a car, as it was cheaper and more convenient than paying for and going on a bus tour for the two of us. 

The falls were stunning,

The trees and some leaves enormous. 

It was a general feeling of Jurassic Park, complete with a few tourists you wished might be eaten by a raptor. 

Here we are on the Oregon Trail. 

Fortunately, Keagan didn't get dysentery, I escaped a snakebite, and I was able to pre-forage for a Diet Coke. 

We had a heated conversation over who was cooler: Lewis or Clark. 

Then we drove on until we saw some falls. These are Latifah Falls. Or something like that. Queen Latifah's show seems to be on the hotel TV a lot. She's so sweet!  But back to these falls. 

Keagan wondered if that waterfall could knock you over. I love my baby, so I wouldn't let him try. 

Cue the Jurassic theme song. The title theme, as I was in a good mood. 

Fun climbing terrain. 

The beautiful, but tourist overrun Multnomah Falls. This one is the most famous. It has a gift shop, a snack bar, and tons of annoying, bossy people.  

On the way up...

Look at the moss on these trees!

Cool little cave. 

Then came the "Move it!  I just want to get a picture," guy.

The "People need to stop pushing" guy who glared at me as the actual pushers who had been in front of me the whole time gazelled up the trail.

Rachel Carson who knowingly informed me that I was in a real rainforest!

Raptors?  Where are you?

Then came these damned "switchback" signs. At switchback 3 of 11 my crew, already unimpressed at the ample signage warning of poison oak, mutinied. Keagan told me that I didn't tell him we would be hiking all of these distances, I know he's afraid of heights, and that he hates me and...well, back down Mt. Everest he went. 

I took my time. 

I took a few pictures for families. 

With their own cameras. Geez. Did you think I'd be a creeper and take them with my own camera?

I meandered on back down where an apologetic crew awaited me. My crew told me he loved me and was worried I fell down and got killed. 

All better now!

Cool sign, eh?

We headed off to one more fall: Bridal Veil Fall. 

I was the George Costanza of parking on this trip. We got lucky every time. And if you were wondering, I rented a "compact" car this time, what with mountains and all, and luckily this one had an actual engine, as opposed to a hamster wheel with a sick hamster. 

My crew was done smiling for photos. 

I wanted to try swimming here. Keagan wanted to swim in the hotel pool. 

Our final scenic vistas were enjoyed at Castle Vista or something like that. 

Stunning views of the Columbia and /or Willamette River Valley. 

Rental car

After perusing many websites, it became obvious that I would need to rent a car. 

This did not thrill me. 

A review said, "Would you rather spend your vacation standing around waiting for public transport, or making the most of your time and travel?

Another said, "Parking is ample in San Diego".

I was concerned about the expense. 

One of my online one date wonders told me that it is very cheap to rent cars. 

He also said, "Right on," constantly and told me that surfing is easy. But I digress. 

I took a deep breath and put visions of carjackings aside. 

We had two "economy" choices. We selected red, because it looked cool. 

This car?  Is a piece of ¥*#%. 

Anyway, if you've been following our blog, then you know about the $53 parking ticket that greeted us less than five hours after we arrived. 

From that point on, we parked in the paid parking across the street. It was $5 for 12 hours, or whenever we moved the car, whichever came first. 

That was an unplanned expense. Perhaps because the only place in Maine that you have to pay for parking is a few locations intown in Portland. And with the exception of garages, you can park for free on nights and weekends. 

Yes, there is ample parking in Portland. I spent more in parking than I spent on hospital bills with my firstborn including an emergency c-section and 6 day stay. 

Maybe that's a slight exaggeration. But only a teeny bit. 

Seamus, having learned the rules of the road and earning his permit just two weeks ago was the navigator. As such, he had preferential front seat treatment and command of Google maps.

And we learned that Seamus did not have his directions: right and left, quite as clear as one might have wished. I instructed him to point. 

Every bit as annoying as the parking situation, though not as expensive, was the car itself. 

It could hold only my carry on rolly bad and backpack in the trunk. We stacked everything else on Keagan. 

I noticed immediately that the gas was less sensitive than my car at home.  So I floored it. It lurched forward, drawing complaints from my travel companions. 

In frustration, I declared, "This car had no 'nads."

From the back seat, "What are 'nads?"

*sigh*

"'Nads are pickup. This car had no acceleration."

This POS car couldn't go 60 mph. It struggled to go uphill. 

I was on the Pacific Coast Highway, and expected CHiPs Ponch and John to pull me over for driving too slow. 

In a race between this car and a golf cart, the golf cart would look like Usain Bolt versus the tortoise Seamus videotaped at the zoo. 

So yeah, the rental car was a good idea. Just an expensive and disappointing good idea.